Sodding tick tick tick beep tick of touchscreen phones

There is a 40-something woman sat opposite me on the train. Ah but first, I should explain: I’m sat in shit-class with the great unwashed because I missed my 955am train on account of the brilliantly inefficient London transport system. (The last mile - i.e. getting *TO* the station, despite living *IN* central London, that’s the really shit bit.) I’ve no issue with shit-class normally. Perfectly fine. I use it a lot. However if I’m going up to the north east, I thoroughly enjoy the widespre