Fetch Me That Stick, God!

Dear Diary: Feeling a touch surly today, and the kids weren't behaving, so I killed them. But it's not like I didn't give them plenty of warning! After the eldest kept refusing to eat his vegetables, I filled his bed with cockroaches for three nights in a row, and he STILL didn't figure it out! Lovely child, but not too bright... If that sounds normal to you, then congratulations! You have what it takes to be a globe-spanning diety! At least, that's what the local god-botherers explained to me